[Joke] ATM usage; different directions for men and women

Please note that the Bank of Ireland is installing a new Drive-Thru Cash Point Machine in Dublin.

Customers will be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.

To enable users to use this new facility, the following procedures have been drawn up. Please read the procedure that applies to you (ie male or female), and remember them for when you use the machine for the first time.

MALE PROCEDURE

1. DRIVE UP TO THE CASH MACHINE

2. WIND DOWN YOUR CAR WINDOW

3. INSERT CARD INTO MACHINE AND ENTER PIN

4. ENTER AMOUNT OF CASH REQUIRED AND WITHDRAW

5. RETRIEVE CARD, CASH AND RECEIPT

6. WIND UP WINDOW

7. DRIVE OFF

FEMALE PROCEDURE

1. DRIVE UP TO CASH MACHINE

2. REVERSE BACK THE REQUIRED AMOUNT TO ALIGN CAR WINDOW TO MACHINE

3. RE-START THE STALLED ENGINE

4. WIND DOWN THE WINDOW

5. FIND HANDBAG, REMOVE ALL CONTENTS ONTO PASSENGER SEAT TO LOCATE CARD

6. TURN DOWN THE RADIO

7. ATTEMPT TO INSERT CARD INTO MACHINE

8. OPEN CAR DOOR TO ALLOW EASIER ACCESS TO MACHINE DUE TO ITS EXCESSIVE DISTANCE FROM THE CAR

9. INSERT CARD

10. RE-INSERT CARD THE RIGHT WAY UP

11. RE-ENTER HANDBAG TO FIND DIARY WITH YOUR PIN WRITTEN ON BACK PAGE OF YOUR ADDRESS BOOK

12. ENTER PIN

13. PRESS CANCEL AND RE-ENTER CORRECT PIN

14. ENTER AMOUNT OF CASH REQUIRED

15. CHECK MAKE-UP IN REAR VIEW MIRROR

16. RETRIEVE CASH AND RECEIPT

17. EMPTY HANDBAG AGAIN TO LOCATE PURSE AND PLACE CASH INSIDE

18. PLACE RECEIPT IN BACK OF CHEQUE BOOK

19. RE-CHECK MAKE-UP AGAIN

20. DRIVE FORWARD 2 METRES

21. REVERSE BACK TO MACHINE

22. RETRIEVE CARD

23. RE-EMPTY HANDBAG, LOCATE CARD HOLDER AND PLACE CARD INTO THE SLOT PROVIDED

24. RE-START STALLED ENGINE AND PULL AWAY

25. DRIVE FOR 2 - 3 MILES ........ RELEASE HANDBRAKE