who gets custody of the child?

Scene: Husband and Wife in court getting a divorce.The problem was who should get custody of the child?

Wife jumped up and says, "Your Honor! I brought the child into this world with pain and labour. Child should be in my custody."

The judge turns to Husband and says, "What do you have to say in your defense?"

The husband sat for a while contemplating then slowly rose. "Your Honor. If I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out. Whose Pepsi is it? the machine's or mine?"

Yeh sun ke... wife replied: "Judge sahab...bartan mera...dudh bhi mera.....aur us mein dahi jamane ke liye 2 boonden daalne se dahi bana tu phir wo dahi kiska..? mera ya do boond dalne vale ka"

Husband replied : "Type writer mein kagaz maine dala, keys daba-daba kar mehnat maine ki, phir chithi kiski? type writer ki ya meri?"

Frustrated Judge: "Agar tu chithi hath se hi likh leta to yahan par custody ki nobat hi na aati."

precautions for hitchhiker

Have you ever faced this kind of stuff???

[Joke] The Nervous Priest

A new priest was really nervous in his first mass and could barely speak. After the mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday the new priest took the monsignors advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got real nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm, which he thought went on fine.

Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.

2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.

8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.

9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T"

11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me."

12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry."

13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A- Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.

14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.