[joke] diagnostic kiosk

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him:
"My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor."
"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.

"There's a diagnostic computer at the drugstore at the corner. Just
give it a urine sample and the computer'll tell you what's wrong and
what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars...a
hell of a lot cheaper than a doctor."

So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to the
drugstore. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and
asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and
waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a print out: "You have tennis
elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will
improve in two weeks."

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack
began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap
water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and
daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure. Jack
hurries back to the drugstore, eager to check the results. He deposits
ten dollars, pours in his concoction and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:
1.Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2.Your dog has ringworm. Bath him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3.Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4.Your wife is pregnant...twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5.If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.