[joke] Bar test - $10 to try! All the money in the jar and keys to a brand new Lexus if you win

A fellow walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter,and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills.

He guesses there must be more than ten thousand dollars in it.

He approaches the bartender and asks,'What's with the money in the jar?'

'Well... you pay $10 and if you pass three tests,you get all the money and the keys to a brand new Lexus.'

The man certainly isn't going to pass this up.

And so he asks, 'What are the three tests?'

'You must pay first... Those are the rules,' says the bartender.

So, after thinking it over a while,the man gives the bartender the $10 and the bartender drops it into the jar.

'Okay,' the bartender says, here's what you need to do:

First - You have to drink a whole quart of tequila, in a minute or less, and you can't make a face while doing it.

Second - There's a pit bull chained in the back with a bad tooth. You have to remove that tooth with your bare hands.

Third - There's a 90-year old lady upstairs who has never had sex... You have to take care of that problem!'

The man is stunned. 'I know I paid my $10, but I'm not an idiot!

I won't do it! You'd have to be nuts to drink a quart of tequila, and then do all those other things'

'Your call,' says the bartender... 'But, your money stays where it is.'

As time goes on, and the man has a few more drinks,he finally says, 'Where's the damn tequila?'

He grabs the bottle with both hands and drinks it as fast as he can.

Tears stream down both cheeks... But he doesn't make a face, and he did it in fifty-eight seconds!

Next, he staggers out the back door, where he sees the pit bull chained to a pole. Soon the people inside the bar hear growling , biting, and screaming sounds.

Then nothing but silence!

Just when they think that the man surely must be dead,he staggers back into the bar, with his shirt ripped open and there are scratches and blood all over his body.

He says, 'Now where's that old woman with the bad tooth?'

The moral to the story: Listen carefully to the directions, and don't trust your judgment when alcohol is involved!

Best hot positions in bed

[joke] 3 Virgins

A mother had 3 virgin daughters

They were all getting married within a short time period. Because Mom
was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made
them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few
words on how marital sex felt.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The
card said nothing but: "Nescafe"!

Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to her kitchen and got out the
Nescafe jar.

It said: "Good till the last drop" .

Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.

The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding,
and the card read: "Rothmans"

Mom now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read
from the pack: "Extra Long. King Size"

She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.

The third girl left for her honeymoon in Cape Town. Mom waited for a
week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a
whole month, a card finally arrived.

Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words "South African Airways"

Mom took out her latest YOU magazine, flipped through the pages
fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for SAA.

The ad said: "Ten times a day, seven days a week, both ways."

Mom fainted!!!

 :)

ALWAYS ASK, NEVER ASSUME !!

His request approved, the CNN News photographer quickly used a cell
phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.
He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.
Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.
He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.
The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.
Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the
valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the
hillsides.'
'Why?' asked the pilot.
'Because I'm a photographer for CNN' , he responded, 'and I need to
get some close up shots.'
The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered,
'So, what you're telling me, is . . . You're NOT my flight
instructor?'

Life is short.......

Someone said: When you ASSUME = you make an ASS out of U and ME....

[joke] Panties glove mixup

A young man wished to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's
birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful
consideration he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note
– romantic, but not too personal.

Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he bought a pair of
white gloves; the younger sister purchased a pair of panties for
herself.
During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got
the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties.
Without checking the contents first, he sealed his package and mailed
it to his sweetheart along with this note:

Darling,

I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of
wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your
sister, I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears
short ones that are easy to remove. These are a delicate shade, but
the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing
for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try
yours on for me and she looked really smart.

I wish I were there to put them on you for the first time, as no doubt
other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to
see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before
putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from
wearing.

Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I
hope you will wear them for me on Friday night.

 All my Love,
Hollingsworth

P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing

Ukraine ’s Got Talent Kseniya Simonova, 24 video

This video shows the winner of " Ukraine ’s Got Talent",  Kseniya Simonova, 24,  drawing a series of pictures on an illuminated sand table showing how ordinary people were affected by the German invasion during World War II.  Her talent, which admittedly is a strange one, is mesmeric to watch.

The images, projected onto a large screen, moved many in the audience to tears and she won the top prize of about $130,000.00

She begins by creating a scene showing a couple sitting holding hands on a bench under a starry sky, but then warplanes appear and the happy scene is obliterated. 
  
It is replaced by a woman’s face crying, but then a baby arrives and the woman smiles again. Once again war returns and Miss Simonova throws the sand into chaos from which a young woman’s face appears. 
  
She quickly becomes an old widow, her face wrinkled and sad, before the image turns into a monument to an Unknown Soldier. 
  
This outdoor scene becomes framed by a window as if the viewer is looking out on the monument from within a house. 
  
In the final scene, a mother and child appear inside and a man standing outside, with his hands pressed against the glass, saying goodbye. 
  
The Great Patriotic War, as it is called in Ukraine , resulted in one in four of the population being killed with eight to 11 million deaths out of a population of 42 million.
 
 Kseniya Simonova says:  
"I find it difficult enough to create art using paper and pencils or paintbrushes, but using sand and fingers is beyond me. The art, especially when the war is used as the subject matter, even brings some audience members to tears. And there’s surely no bigger compliment."
 

The Top 4 Indian poses!

Pose 1

Pose 2

Pose 3

And the winner is

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