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Slum Dog Millionaire!

The color of courage!

Long ago lived a seaman named Captain Bravo. He was a manly man's man
who showed no fear in facing his enemies.

One day, while sailing the seven seas, a lookout spotted a pirate ship
and the crew became frantic. Captain Bravo bellowed, "Bring me my red
shirt."

The First Mate quickly retrieved the Captain's red shirt and, while
wearing the bright frock, he led his mates into battle and defeated
the pirates. Later on, the lookout spotted not one, but two pirate
ships. The captain again howled for his red shirt and once again
vanquished the pirates. That evening, all the men sat around on the
deck recounting the day's triumphs and one of the them asked the
captain: "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before battle?"

The captain replied: "If I am wounded in the attack, the shirt will
not show my blood, and thus, you men will continue to resist,
unafraid." All of the men sat in silence and marveled at the courage
of such a manly man's man.

As dawn came the next morning, the lookout once again spotted not one,
not two, but TEN pirate ships approaching. The rank and file all
stared in worshipful silence at the captain and waited for his usual
reply. Captain Bravo gazed with steely eyes upon the vast armada
arrayed against his mighty sailing ship and, without fear, turned, and
calmly shouted: "Get me my brown pants."

Community Service

One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The cop is happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Later that day, a college professor comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The professor is very happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the barber opens his shop, there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen different books, such as 'How to Improve Your Business' and 'Becoming More Successful.'

Then, a Member of Parliament comes in for a haircut , and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament is very happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the Members of Parliament.

Vote very carefully this year.

The Story of our corporate lives

The Statue

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.

'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.' She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.

'Don't move until I tell you,'

she said, 'pretend you're a statue.'

'What's this?' the husband inquired as he entered the room.

'Oh it's a statue,' she replied, 'the Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too.'

No more was said, not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.

'Here,' he said to the statue, have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing.'

Call to heaven; $10,000 per call

An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the World.  So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to China .

On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read

"$10,000 per call".  The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what The telephone was used for.

The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God.

The American thanked the priest and went along his way.

Next stop was in Japan . There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the Same golden telephone with the same sign under it.

He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in China and He asked a nearby nun what its purpose was.

She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he Could talk to God.

"O.K., thank you," said the American.

He then traveled to Pakistan , Srilanka , Russia , Germany and France .

In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same "$10,000 per call" sign under it.
The American, upon leaving Vermont decided to travel to up to Nepal to See if Nepalese had the same phone.

He arrived in Nepal , and again, in the first church he entered, there was the same golden telephone, but this s time the sign under it read "One Rupee per call."

The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. "Father, I've traveled all over World and I've seen this same golden Telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to
Heaven, But in rest of the world price was $10,000 per call.

Why is it so cheap here?"

The priest smiled and answered, "You're in Nepal now, Son - it's a Local Call ". This is the only heaven on the Earth.

KEEP SMILING

The 10 Worst Excuses for Cheating on Your Wife

Think twice before an extramarital dalliance. It's almost always inexcusable, but especially when you start justifying your caddish ways with one of these ridiculous explanations.

 
10) "Because ... I could."
This is how President Bill Clinton explained away his "sexual relations with that woman" to Dan Rather on 60 Minutes. Which might explain why he's so supportive of Hillary's new job. The secretary of state travels a lot, right?
 
9) "Because ... you're too smart."
When Billy Bob Thornton left Angelina Jolie, his fifth wife, after an alleged affair with a waitress, he claimed it was out of sheer terror. "I was afraid of her. She was too beautiful for me, she was too smart for me," he told Dateline. "I felt so small next to her. I'm a scared person." Someday, this quote will appear in the Guys-Who-Blew-It Hall of Fame.
 
8) "I was brain-washed by Kabbalah."
Technically, this wasn't Alex Rodriguez's excuse for sneaking around with the Material Mom. It's just the only way the Yankee's wife could explain it. "I feel like Madonna is using mind control over him," she told a friend. "I don't recognize the man he's become. He was a sweet, beautiful, loving husband and father. Today he's very cold and calculating."
 
7) "I'm special."
Senator John Edwards issued a press release regarding his affair with former campaign worker Rielle Hunter. It read: "In the course of several campaigns, I started to believe that I was special and became increasingly narcissistic." Really? You mean those $400 haircuts weren't just your special way of stimulating the economy?
 
6) "All women look like Rubik's Cubes to me."
Pablo Picasso went through women like he went through paintbrushes, and his longtime companion, Dora Maar, was almost driven mad by his infidelity. One night, while cheating on Dora with his lover Françoise, he defended his many affairs with other women by saying, "There's nothing so similar to one poodle dog as another poodle dog, and that goes for women too." He then went on to cheer up Françoise by telling her how fat she looked.
 
5) "Just doing my job, ma'am."
Legendary Jersey boy Jon Bon Jovi claimed in 2006 that "infidelity is part of the job" for a rocker, though it hasn't scuttled his 19-year marriage to karate instructor Dorothea Hurley. "I've had my lapses with other women, sure," he told a reporter. "Welcome to the music business." What he was trying to say was "I'm a dick."
 
4) "Umm ... charity?"
When Eddie Murphy was busted with a transvestite prostitute in his SUV in 1997 in Hollywood, he claimed he had picked her up because she needed a ride. "It's not the first hooker I've helped out," he told tabloids. "I've seen hookers on corners and I'll pull over, and they'll go, 'Oh, you're Eddie Murphy, oh my God,' and I'll empty my wallet out to help." And by "wallet" he means ...
 
3) "I forgot the 12th step."
It's not that he was addicted to booze or Bolivian marching powder. No. David Duchovny was addicted to love — the intercourse-with-someone-who-is-not-your-wife variety. After a successful 35-day stint in sex rehab, Duchovny reportedly told those close to him that he was ready to tackle some of his other personal demons that no other human could possibly understand ... like his weaknesses for air and water.
 
2) "I needed the high five."
Though he tried to comfort —himself by spending $3,000 a month on Internet porn, Peter Cook, the underappreciated husband of Christie Brinkley, eventually broke down for a real live human: his 18-year-old assistant. What could have kept his libido in check? In a 20/20 interview with Barbara Walters, he said, "A little acknowledgment, a little attention, a little thank-you every now and then for my efforts." What about a puppy? Would a little puppy have helped too?
And the winner is ...
 
1) "Tonight, honey! I've got a headache!"
When Caroline Kennedy opined that Barack Obama would be the kind of president her father was, she didn't say whether that would include a long list of executive affairs. JFK once excused his transgressions to former British prime minister Harold Macmillan by saying that if he didn't enjoy the company of a lady every three days, he got headaches. Just like a politician to put a new spin on the oldest excuse in the book.