The 10 Worst Excuses for Cheating on Your Wife

Think twice before an extramarital dalliance. It's almost always inexcusable, but especially when you start justifying your caddish ways with one of these ridiculous explanations.

 
10) "Because ... I could."
This is how President Bill Clinton explained away his "sexual relations with that woman" to Dan Rather on 60 Minutes. Which might explain why he's so supportive of Hillary's new job. The secretary of state travels a lot, right?
 
9) "Because ... you're too smart."
When Billy Bob Thornton left Angelina Jolie, his fifth wife, after an alleged affair with a waitress, he claimed it was out of sheer terror. "I was afraid of her. She was too beautiful for me, she was too smart for me," he told Dateline. "I felt so small next to her. I'm a scared person." Someday, this quote will appear in the Guys-Who-Blew-It Hall of Fame.
 
8) "I was brain-washed by Kabbalah."
Technically, this wasn't Alex Rodriguez's excuse for sneaking around with the Material Mom. It's just the only way the Yankee's wife could explain it. "I feel like Madonna is using mind control over him," she told a friend. "I don't recognize the man he's become. He was a sweet, beautiful, loving husband and father. Today he's very cold and calculating."
 
7) "I'm special."
Senator John Edwards issued a press release regarding his affair with former campaign worker Rielle Hunter. It read: "In the course of several campaigns, I started to believe that I was special and became increasingly narcissistic." Really? You mean those $400 haircuts weren't just your special way of stimulating the economy?
 
6) "All women look like Rubik's Cubes to me."
Pablo Picasso went through women like he went through paintbrushes, and his longtime companion, Dora Maar, was almost driven mad by his infidelity. One night, while cheating on Dora with his lover Françoise, he defended his many affairs with other women by saying, "There's nothing so similar to one poodle dog as another poodle dog, and that goes for women too." He then went on to cheer up Françoise by telling her how fat she looked.
 
5) "Just doing my job, ma'am."
Legendary Jersey boy Jon Bon Jovi claimed in 2006 that "infidelity is part of the job" for a rocker, though it hasn't scuttled his 19-year marriage to karate instructor Dorothea Hurley. "I've had my lapses with other women, sure," he told a reporter. "Welcome to the music business." What he was trying to say was "I'm a dick."
 
4) "Umm ... charity?"
When Eddie Murphy was busted with a transvestite prostitute in his SUV in 1997 in Hollywood, he claimed he had picked her up because she needed a ride. "It's not the first hooker I've helped out," he told tabloids. "I've seen hookers on corners and I'll pull over, and they'll go, 'Oh, you're Eddie Murphy, oh my God,' and I'll empty my wallet out to help." And by "wallet" he means ...
 
3) "I forgot the 12th step."
It's not that he was addicted to booze or Bolivian marching powder. No. David Duchovny was addicted to love — the intercourse-with-someone-who-is-not-your-wife variety. After a successful 35-day stint in sex rehab, Duchovny reportedly told those close to him that he was ready to tackle some of his other personal demons that no other human could possibly understand ... like his weaknesses for air and water.
 
2) "I needed the high five."
Though he tried to comfort —himself by spending $3,000 a month on Internet porn, Peter Cook, the underappreciated husband of Christie Brinkley, eventually broke down for a real live human: his 18-year-old assistant. What could have kept his libido in check? In a 20/20 interview with Barbara Walters, he said, "A little acknowledgment, a little attention, a little thank-you every now and then for my efforts." What about a puppy? Would a little puppy have helped too?
And the winner is ...
 
1) "Tonight, honey! I've got a headache!"
When Caroline Kennedy opined that Barack Obama would be the kind of president her father was, she didn't say whether that would include a long list of executive affairs. JFK once excused his transgressions to former British prime minister Harold Macmillan by saying that if he didn't enjoy the company of a lady every three days, he got headaches. Just like a politician to put a new spin on the oldest excuse in the book.