Alcohol can really screw you

[joke] Children jokes

On a special teacher's day, a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. She shocked it, held it over her head, and said, "I bet I know what it is - flowers! "That's right! " said the boy, "but how did you know? "Just a wild guess," she said.
The next pupil was the candy store owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shocked it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is - a box of candy! "That's right! But how did you know? " asked the girl."Just a lucky guess," said the teacher.
The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son. The teacher held the bag over her head and noticed that it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine? " she asked."No," the boy replied.
The teacher repeated the process, touching another drop of the leakage to her tongue. "Is it champagne? " she asked."No," the boy replied.
The teacher then said, "I give up, what is it? "
The boy replied, "A puppy! "

[Joke] A Round of Golf

A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course, became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole, and you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole. "He thanked her and went back to his golf. On the back nine the same thing happened; and he approached her again with the same request. She said, "I'm on the 14th hole, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th hole. " Once again he thanked her and returned to his play. He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often. He approached her and said, "Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your help. I understand that you are in the sales profession. I'm in sales, also. What do you sell? "She replied, "If I tell you, you'll laugh. " "No, I won't. "Well, if you must know," she answered, "I work for Tampax. "With that, he laughed so hard he almost lost his breath. She said, "See I knew you would laugh. "That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied. "I'm a salesman for Preparation H, so I'm still a hole behind you! "