[jokes] African roulette

The foreign minister of a small African state had opportunity to visit Russia for the very first time. There he was warmly welcomed by his Russian counterpart, who wined and dined him and generally offered him the best hospitality that Russia could offer. 

  

On his last day, the Russian foreign minister took the African foreign minister into a room with a table on which lay a revolver. "My comrade, since you are about to leave, I must introduce you to a custom we have here in Russia, something called Russian roulette. It is a true test of manhood and worth, and how it works is that you must take the revolver, spin the cylinders, hold the revolver to your head and then pull the trigger. Only one of the six chambers is loaded."

The African leader, being of proud warrior stock and a courageous man, took the revolver, spun the cylinder, snapped it shut, pointed it at his head and sighed with relief when all he heard was 'click', but no shot. 

Well impressed with his bravery, he and the Russian drank vodka until the African leader had to be carried aboard his plane.

Six months later the Russian foreign minister visits the African foreign minister's country. The African, remembering keenly the Russian roulette he had to play previously, took the Russian into a room on the last day of his visit. In the room were six beautiful, naked young women.

"To prove your courage and manhood, see before you six of the most beautiful women from each of our tribes. This is something I call 'African roulette'. You may pick any one of them and they will give you a blowjob."

The Russian, not too averse to this idea at all, asks the African, "But where is the risk? To be called roulette there must be some form of risk involved."

The African smiles broadly. 

"One of the six is a cannibal."

Pranav Mistry on TED

An awe-inspiring talk by Pranav Mistry who broke open a mouse to use gestures to talk to computers.

Considered a visionary of the SixthSense (not the Shyamalan movie), it is quite an engaging talk of human computer interaction.
visit the profile on TED

Tandem Story – Prof’s E-mail Assignment

Tandem Story – Prof's E-mail Assignment
When differences of student's opinion can lead to galactic rewards...


[Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Here's a prime example offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix – his assignment and a short story turned in by two of his students…]

(Professor)
"Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth.

Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

(first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

(second paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off, a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

(Gary)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty, the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

(Gary)
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Oh no, I'm such an air-headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!"

(Rebecca)
Jerk.

(Gary)
Cry baby.

(Rebecca)
YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!

(Gary)
Go drink some tea.

(Professor)
A+... I really liked this!

Nepali COW

You'll forget your English by the time you finish reading this. This is a true essay written by a Nepali candidate at the Lok Seva Exams (Govt. Employment Exams). The candidate has written an essay on the Nepali cow.]

Nepali Cow : HE IS THE COW. "The cow is a successful animal. Also he is 4 footed, And because he is female, he give milks, [ but will do so when heis gotchild.] He is same like-God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards. His whole body can be utilised for use. More so the milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement. [ horses dont have any such attachment What can it do? Various ghee, butter, cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth. Also he is useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally. His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species. 

Also his other motion.. [gober] is much useful to trees, plants as well as for making flat cakes [like Pizza] , in hand , and drying in the sun. Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding after eating. Then afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are situated in the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in the grass. 

His only attacking and defending organ is the horns, specially so when he is got child. This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapons to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great velocity forwards.He has got tails also, situated in the backyard, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the other end of the other side. 

This is done to frighten away the flies which alight on his cohesive body hereupon he gives hit with it.The palms of his feet are soft unto the touch. So the grasses head is not crushed. At night time have poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts . His eyes and nose are like his other relatives.This is the cow....... 

[We are informed that the candidate passed the exam. and is now an govt.officer, is Kathmandu in somewhere,.sorry...... somewhere in Kathmandu.]

World’s most PAINFUL … शायरी

तुम्से  प्यार  करते  करते  हमने  कर  दिया   crime  .... 

तुम्से  प्यार  करते  करते  हमने  कर  दिया   crime 

." 1 is neither composite nor prime" 

अगर  दावा  चाहिए  तो धुँदो कोइ chemist .... 

अगर  दावा  चाहिए  तो धुँदो कोइ chemist .... 

My NAME IS KHAN and I AM NOT A TERRORIST... 

युह  खामोश  रेह्कर  तद्पोगी  कब्तक .... 

युह  खामोश  रेह्कर  तद्पोगी  कब्तक .... 

Cameraman praful ke saath deepak chaurasia AAJ TAK.. 

वोह  मुझे छोड के चली गई उस्से पाना में चाहु ... 

वोह  मुझे छोड के चली गई उस्से पाना में चाहुन ... 

ahun ahun ahun  ahun ahun ahun 

महंगी कि इस दौर में कर्ना पड़ता है अपने खर्चे  पर  काबू  

महंगी कि इस दौर में कर्ना पड़ता है अपने खर्चे  पर  काबू

एक चुट्की सिन्दूर कि किमत तुम क्या जानो रमेश बाबु |

अकबर ने खरिदे 3-3 घोडे  .. 

अकबर ने खरिदे 3-3 घोडे  .. 

आज  आज  दिल निचोडे रात  कि मत्की फोडे | 

में  यहाँ   तु  है  वहाँ 

में  यहाँ   तु  है  वहाँ ..               

LIFEBUOY है  जहाँ  तन्दुरुस्ती  है  वहाँ  ... 

Blood donate कर्ने  से पहले  हमेशा  उसका  group जंचना ... 

Blood donate कर्ने  से पहले  हमेशा  उसका  group जंचना ... 

"BASANTI इन् कुत्त्तों  के  सामने  मत  नाच्ना ...." 

 

अर्ज  किया  है …  

अब  तोह  जिन्दगी  क़ा  मकसद  है  तुझे  अप्नना … 

अब  तोह  जिन्दगी  क़ा  मकसद  है  तुझे  अप्नना … 

A फोर  Apple,   B for Banana  … 

वाह, वाह | |

अर्ज  किया  है … 

कल टक  थी  जो  मेरी   present… 

कल टक  थी  जो  मेरी   present… 

आज  हो  गई  है  past…     

कल टक  थी  जो  मेरी   present… 

आज  हो  गई  है  past…        

Offer valid till stocks last..  :-P 

अर्ज  किया  है … 

बक्रे  ने   मारा  जो  बकरी  को  सींग …… 

बक्रे  ने   मारा  जो  बकरी  को  सींग ……  

तो  बकरी  bhi  मरेगी  बक्रे  को  सींग . 

अर्ज  किया  है … 

वैठ  कर  girlfriend कि  जुल्फों  के  साये  मै  ऐसा जोश आया … 

वाह, वाह

वैठ  कर  girlfriend कि  जुल्फों  के  साये  मै  ऐसा जोश आया … 

कि उसके  पापाने  देख  लिया और  ICU में होश  आया … 

यशोमति  मैय्यासे  बोले  नन्दलाल  ...              

वाह, वाह

यशोमति  मैय्यासे  बोले  नन्दलाल  ...              

"मा , Tata Sky लगा  दाला  तो  Life Jhingalala ..!!" 

रोमिओ  ने  जुलिएत  से   कहाँ  एक  सच्          

रोमिओ  ने  जुलिएत  से   कहाँ  एक  सच्          

असली  मसाले  सच् सच्   MDH .....MDH ...! 

सल्मा के  प्यार  मे  दूब  गया  पीटर

गौर  फर्माइये  

सल्मा के  प्यार  मे  दूब  गया  पीटर  

अब  Hero Honda splendor 80 किलोमीटर  प्रति  लीटर  

अर्ज  किया  है … 

दिल  मै  चुभी  सुइ …. 

दिल  मै  चुभी  सुइ ….  

ऊई  ऊई, ऊई  ऊई …

Difference Between American & British Culture

[Joke] The Lie Detector Robot

John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmicks.

His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change.

One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.

It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late.

"Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?" asked John.

"Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project," said Tommy.

The robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.

"Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school."

"We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." said Tommy.

"What did you watch?" asked Marsha.

"The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy.

The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair!

With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."

"I am ashamed of you son," said John.. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents."

The robot walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair.

Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, "Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!"

The robot walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.

ipad! Will it blend?

what happens when you blend an ipad?
- ipad dust! :)

Best TV ad 2010 | Nolan's cheese

different perspectives in life

A boat docked in a tiny Irish fishing village. An American tourist
complimented the local fishermen on the quality of their fish and
asked how long it took him to catch them.

"Not very long." they answered in unison.

"Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?"

The fishermen explained that their small catches were sufficient to
meet their needs and those of their families.

"But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

"We sleep late, fish a little, play with our children, and take relax
with our wives. In the evenings, we go into the village to see our
friends, have a few drinks, play the fiddle and sing a few songs. We
have a full life."

The tourist interrupted, "I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help
you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell
the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger
boat."

"And after that?"

"With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second
one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of
trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then
negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your
own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Dublin,
London or even New York City ! From there you can direct your huge new
enterprise." "How long would that take?" "Twenty, perhaps twenty-five
years." replied the tourist.

"And after that?"
"Afterwards? Well my friend, that's when it gets really interesting, "
answered the tourist, laughing. "When your business gets really big,
you can start buying and selling stocks and make millions!"

"Millions? Really? And after that?" asked the fishermen.

"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the
coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a
siesta with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying
your friends."

"With all due respect sir, but that's exactly what we are doing now.
So what's the point wasting twenty-five years?" they asked.

And the moral of this story is: Know where you're going in life... you
may already be there...

papparazi blues!

shows his buttcrack to the world as he tries to take a photo of Sandra Bullock as her car exits the garage :D

What to do when you are bored at work...

1. Kill a few flies.
2. Put them in the sun to dry for one hour.
3. Once they are dry, pick a pencil and paper... Let your
imagination flow.
4. Here are a few samples:

which baby are you?

January

Pretty/handsome. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Sensitive. Down-to-Earth. Stubborn. Repost this in 5 mins and you will meet someone new in 8 days that will perfectly balance your personality.

February

Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexiest out of everyone. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest And loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Horny. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions. Repost this in 5 mins and you will talk to someone new and realize that you are a perfect match.

March

Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Great kisser. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Observant and assesses others. If you repost this in the next 5 mins, you will meet your new love in 8 days.

April

Suave and compromising. Funny and humorous. Stubborn. Very talkative. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal. Does work well with others. Very confidant. Sensitive. Positive Attitude. Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Able to cheer everyone up and/or make them laugh. Able to motivate oneself and others. Understanding. Fun to be around. Outgoing. Hyper. Bubbly personality. Secretive. Boy/girl crazy. Loves sports, music, leisure and traveling. Systematic. Hot but has brains. If you repost this in 5 mins, a cutie that's caught your eye will introduce themselves and you will realize that you are very much alike in the next 2 days.

May

Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Shy towards opposite sex. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High-spirited. If you repost this in the next 5 minutes, you will become close to someone you do not speak too much in the next 4 days.

June

You've got the best personality and are an absolute pleasure to be around. You love to make new friends and be outgoing. You are a great flirt and more than likely have an a very attractive partner. a wicked hottie. It is also more than likely that you have a massive record collection. You have a great choice in films, and may one day become a famous actor/actress yourself - heck, you've got the looks for it!!! IN the next 6 days you will meet someone that may possibly become one of your closest friends, if you repost this in 5 minutes.

July

Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. spazzy at times. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover. Repost this in the next 5 mins and your reputation will boost someway in the next 12 days

August

Outgoing personality. takes risks. feeds on attention. No self-control. Kind hearted. Self-confident. Loud and boisterous. VERY revengeful. Easy to get along with and talk to. Has an "every thing's peachy" attitude. Likes talking and singing. Loves music. Daydreamer. Easily distracted. Hates not being trusted. BIG imagination. Loves to be loved. Hates studying. in need of "that someone". Longs for freedom. Rebellious when withheld or restricted. Lives by "no pain no gain" caring. Always a suspect. Playful. Mysterious. "charming" or "beautiful" to everyone. stubborn. curious. Independent. Strong willed. A fighter. Repost in 5 mins and you will meet the love of your life sometime next month.

September

Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Usually you have many friends. Enjoys to make love. Emotional. Stubborn. Hasty. Good memory. Moving, motivates oneself and others. Loves to travel and explore. Sometimes sexy in a way that only their lover can understand. If you do not repost this in the next 5 mins, someone very close to you will become mad at you in the next 8 days.

October

Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves to takes things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Brave and fearless. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care to control emotions. Unpredictable. Extremely smart, but definitely the hottest AND sexiest of them all. repost this in 5 mins or you will not meet the love of your life for 10 years.

November

and loyal. Very passionate and dangerous. Wild at times. Knows how to have fun. Sexy and mysterious. Everyone is drawn towards your inner and outer beauty and independent personality. Playful, but secretive. Very emotional and temperamental sometimes. Meets new people easily and very social in a group. Fearless and independent. Can hold their own. Stands out in a crowd. Essentially very smart. Usually, the greatest men are born in this month. If you ever begin a relationship with someone from this month, hold on to them because their one of a kind. Repost in 5 mins & you will excel in a major event coming up sometime this month.

December

This straight-up means you are the most good-looking person possible... Better than all of these other months! Loyal and generous. Patriotic. Competitive in everything. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Easy to talk to, though hard to understand. Thinks far with vision, yet complicated to know. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Has that someone always on his/her mind. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. One guy/girl kind of person. Loveable. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves music. Pretty/handsome. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Sensitive. [A hot new guy/girl will catch your eye & you will catch theirs too in the next 6 days, if you repost in 5min

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