Wrinkles on your skin? Use Spermine!

Spermine, (yes you did read it right) a powerful anti-oxidant originally discovered in human sperm , is said to diminish wrinkles and smooth the skin. According to New York Magazine, the substance is now being synthesized in laboratories and sold by a Norwegian company called (seriously) Bioforskning. Spermine facials (really) cost $250 at Townhouse Spa, where the substance is penetrated with ultrasound and infrared light (a more basic treatment can be found for $125 at the nearby Graceful Services). 

Sherlyn Chopra confesses that she'd agree to a Spermine facial, if it were better than Botox or other anti aging products.

What am I?

Eleven clues to help you guess, what we're talking about.

1. Some folks have it, some don't.

2. Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off.

3. Those who have it think that those who don't are somehow inferior.

4. Those who don't have it may agree that it's neat, but think it's not worth the fuss that those who have it make about it.

5. Many of those who don't have it would like to try it (..... envy).

6. It can be up or down. It's more fun when it's up, but this makes it hard to get any real work done.

7. In the long distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information vital to the survival of the species.

8. If you don't apply the appropriate measures, it can spread viruses.

9. If you use it too much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.

10. We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrants.

11. If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you into a lot of trouble.

What am i?

Its Email, not your D$%^!, you pervert! :D

Modifications to my computer

After going through a virus attack, losing a hard drive, fighting off hackers, upgrading all my software, installing fire-walls, being threatened with being cut-off by my email provider, and a host of other problems, I have fixed my computer...

and NOW it works exactly the way I want it to!

Today is International Disturbed People's Day

Please send an encouraging message to a disturbed friend... just as I've done.

(I got this from a disturbed friend!!!)

You hang in there sunshine, you're special. :-)

If Ramayan was on Facebook

Eye test !

Look carefully at the picture below...

Can you see the naked butt of the girl in the background?

You can.....?

Well,...Look again...

That is the shoulder of the girl with the camera!

....check your glasses, they're dirty....

[.....and your mind ain't too clean either !!!!!]

The media asks the dumbest questions. This one backfired.

The media asks the dumbest questions. This one backfired.

For those who don't know him, Major General Peter Cosgrove is an 'Australian treasure!'

General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently.
You'll love his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you gotta love this! This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of an ABC interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military headquarters.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
But you're equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL COSGROVE:
Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?

The radio went silent

Company Organogram...

When top level guys look down, they see only shit.
When bottom level guys look up, they see only assholes

world coming to an end in 2019

NASA predicts Worldwide Holiday on Feb 1, 2019  as the world is scheduled to end

the second photo is terrible ....

the Result of the Collision .. with 2002 NT7



This is how they will save the world

- Yenna  Rascala ...!!!!!!!!!!

Mind it

Why Parents are always STRESSED!

funny cartoons

 

Research confirms that drinking gives you the same benefits yoga does !!!

Research confirms that drinking gives you the same benefits yoga does !!!

 









Balasana
Position that brings the sensation of peace and calm.

Setu Bandha Sarvangasana
This position calms the brain and heals tired legs.

 



 

Marjayasana
Position stimulates the midriff area and the spinal column. 





 

Halasana
Excellent for back pain and insomnia.  

 







Dolphin

Excellent for the shoulder area, thorax, legs, and arms. 

Salambhasana
Great exercise to stimulate the lumbar area, legs, and arms.

 



Ananda Balasana
This position is great for massaging the hip area.


 



Malasana
This position, for ankles and back muscles.

 



Pigeon
Tones the body, and builds flexibility and helps get rid of 'stress'.


So, let's start drinking ...........

[Joke] Swine Flue

A Lion goes up to a Pig and Says - "I roar and the Jungle trembles......."

The Pig grins cheekily and says - "Times are changing old chap, I
sneeze and the world trembles !!!!!!!"

fake Kapilavastu in Piprahwa, Uttar Pradesh, India?

The following news clip (In Nepali) describes of a fake Kapilavastu being established in Piprahwa in Siddhartha Nagar in Uttar Pradesh in India. 

Installing Husband 1.0

A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable
programs such as  NEWS 5.0,   MONEY 3.0  and CRICKET 4.1.

Conversation 8..0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5..3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,

____________ _________ _________                 _________ _________ _________
____________ _________ _________ Response  _________ _________ _________

DEAR  Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.. html and try to download Tears
6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3..5..

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do,DO NOTunder any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program.
These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend:  Cooking 3.0 and  Hot Looks 7.7.

Good Luck Madam!

Quarter-life Crisis

Being Twenty-Something

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis."It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.
You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you. You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared. You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.

You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to
your list of what is acceptable and what is not.

You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better.

You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender! What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

The moral of this is to help someone feel like they are not alone in the  state of confusion.

[joke] Old lady goes to heaven

An old lady dies and goes to heaven.

She's chatting it up with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most awful, blood curdling screams.

Don't worry about that,' says St. Peter, 'It's only someone having the holes drilled into her shoulder blades for the wings.'

The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation. A few minutes later, there are more blood curdling screams.

'Oh my Goodness,' says the old lady, 'now what is happening?'

'Not to worry,' says St. Peter, 'She's just having her head drilled to fit the halo.'

'I can't do this,' says the old lady, 'I'm going to hell.'

'You can't go to that nasty place,' says St. Peter. 'You'll be raped and taken advantage of.'

'Maybe so,' says the old lady, but I've already got the holes for that.'

Killed by a condom

DON'T MESS WITH Engineers

7 Engineers and 7 Doctors are going from PUNE to Mumbai.

So they both gather at Pune Station.

Both groups are desperately trying to prove their superiority.

SCENE 1 (PUNE- MUMBAI) :

---------------------------------------

7 engineers take only 1 Ticket and 7 doctors buy all 7 tickets..

Doctors are desperately waiting for TC to come......

When TC arrives,

All 7 Engineers get in one toilet So when TC knocks , one hand come
out with the ticket and the TC goes away....

----------------------------------------


NOW on return Journey All of them don't get a direct train to PUNE.
So they all decide to take a Passenger till Lonavala, from there they
can easily get a LOCAL to PUNE

SCENE 2 (MUMBAI - LONAVALA) :

---------------------------------------------

Doctors decided, "this time we will prove that we too are
equal"....All 7 Doctors take 1 Ticket. Engineers don't buy any ticket
at all!!!!!..

TC arrives....

ALL DOCTORS IN ONE TOILET. ALL ENGINEERS IN THE OPPOSITE ONE..

One engineer gets out and knocks the door of Doctors toilet, One hand comes with the tickets, he takes the ticket and comes in engg. Bathroom...

TC DRIVES out ALL the doctors from the toilet and they are heavily fined

---------------------------------------------

SCENE 3 ( LONAVALA) :

-----------------------------------------

SO now both the group r on LONAVALA station. Doctors plan their move for last chance, they board the local to Pune.

This time doctors decide that they will play the same(1 ticket) trick.

ALL Doctors take 1 tickets...Engineers BUY all 7 tickets this time...

SO TC Comes.. All Engineers showed their tickets.....

Doctors are still searching for toilet in the LOCAL train...........

----------------------------------------------------------------

Conclusion: Technically intelligent people are geniuses, So don't mess with Engineers.

[Joke] Sardarji Jokes

            -----*--*------

Sardar: My mobile bill how much?
Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123 to know current bill status
Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.

            -----*--*------

Sardar: I think that girl is deaf..
Friend: How do u know?
Sardar: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals are new

            -----*--*------

Teacher: Which is the oldest animal in world?
Sardar: ZEBRA
Teacher: How?
Sardar: Bcoz it is Black & White

            -----*--*------

Sardar: Miss, Do u called 2 my mobile?
Teacher: Me? No, why?
Sardar: Yesterday I saw in my mobile- "1 Miss Call".

            -----*--*------
           
Judge: Don't U have shame? It is d 3rd time U R coming to court.
Sardar to judge: My lord, U R coming daily, don't U have shame?

            -----*--*------
           
Question: "Should Women have Children after 35?"
Smart Sardar Replied: "No!
35 Children R More than Enough!!"
           
            -----*--*------

Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Sardar: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE.

            -----*--*------
           
Sardar attending an interview in Software Company.
Manager: Do U know MS Office?
Sardar: If U give me the address I will go there sir.

            -----*--*------
           
Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay .. While its landing he shouted: " Bombay ... Bombay "
Air hostess said: "B silent."
Sardar: "Ok. Ombay. Ombay"

            -----*--*------
           
Sardar got a sms from his girl friend:
"I MISS YOU"
Sardarji replied:
"I Mr YOU" !!.

            -----*--*------
           
Sardar: Doctor! My Son swallowed a key
Doctor: When?
Sardar: 3 Months Ago
Dr: Wat were u doing till now?
Sardar: We were using duplicate key

            -----*--*------

Why Sardar opens his lunch box in the middle of the road???
Just 2 confirm whether he is going to or coming back from the office....

            -----*--*------

After finishing MBBS , Sardar started his practice. He Checked 1st Patient's Eyes, Tongue & Ears
By Torch & Finallly Said: Torch is okay"

[Joke] Husband and wife start up in the middle of the night

Husband: I won't be able to sleep afterwards.
Wife: I can't sleep without it.
Husband: Why do you think of things like this in the middle of the night?
Wife: Because I'm Hot.
Husband: You get hot at the darnest times.
Wife: If you love me I wouldn't have to beg you.
Husband: If you love me you'd be more considerate.
Wife: You don't love me anymore.
Husband: Yes I do, but let's forget it for tonight.
Wife: Booooooo ..!(Sob-Sob)
Husband: Alright, I'll do it.
Wife: What's the matter? Need a flashlight?
Husband: I can't find it.
Wife: Oh, for heaven's sake, feel for it.
Husband: There. Are you satisfied?
Wife: Oh, yes, honey.
Husband: Is it up far enough?
Wife: Oh, that's fine.
Husband: Now go to bed and from now on when you want the window open, do it yourself.

Nepalese National Anthem (parody)

**राष्ट्रिय गान*

सयौं थुँगा प्रचन्डको जुँगा तान्ने हामी नेपाली
सार्वभौम भई फैलिएका YCL र माओवादी ।

बन्द हड्ताल कोटी कोटी फोहोरको आँचल
जो कोहि वादी आए पनि भारतकै दलाल ।

कान्ति छैन शान्ति छैन अभावै छ केवल
नेपालीपन बाँकि छैन नामको मात्रै नेपाल ।

गुटवन्दी र फुटवन्दी छ समस्या छन् विशाल
प्रतिगामि राष्ट्र हाम्रो कठै विचरा नेपाल !!!


the current Nepalese National Anthem
originally by Madhav सिग्देल here

via www.rednepal.com

Nepalese (उखान तुक्का) idioms and proverbs in English

A word for word translation of Nepalese (उखान तुक्का) idioms and proverbs into English

खाई न पाई छालाको टोपी लाई
 Eating not getting, putting leather cap

 घाँटी हेरी हाड निल्नु
 Look at the neck and swallow the bone

 एक कान दुई कान मैदान
 One ear two ear, playground

 अछ्यु खाए बछ्यु खाए, झुसे बारुलो
 Hornet ate bachhyu ate, hairy wasp

 काग कराउदै गर्छ पिना सुक्दै गर्छ
 Crow crying, pina drying

 चिन्नु न जान्नु घचेडी माग्नु
 Don't know don't know push and beg

 भाग्यमानी को भूतै कमारो
 Lucky person has ghost servant

 म पनि खान्दानी को छोरा हो
 I am also a son of Tiffin Carrier

 कहिं नभाको जात्रा हाँडीगाउँमा
 Nowhere festival in pot village

 नखाँउ भने दिनभरिको शिकार, खाउँ भने कान्छा बाउको अनुहार
 If no eating whole day's hunting, if eating face of uncle

 हात्ती आयो हात्ती आयो फुस्सा
 Elephant coming elephant coming, phussa becoming

 केटा केटी आए, गुलेली खेलाए, गुच्चाको नास
 Boy girl come, play slingshot, loss of marble

 जब भयो राती, तब बुढी ताती
 When it becomes night, wife becomes hot.

 कस्लाई के को चिन्ता, घर ज्वाइँलाई खानाको चिन्ता
 Who what tension, who what tension, house son-in-law eating tension.

 कस्को बाउको के तागत, म पनि खान्दानको छोरा हुँ
 Whose father, what vitamin I'm the son of Tiffin Carrier

एकै दयाँङका मुला
radish of the same plot

Why women are so special?

Mum and Dad were watching TV when Mum said, "I'm tired, and it's
getting late. I think I'll go to bed.."

She went to the kitchen to make sandwiches for the next day's lunches.
Rinsed out the popcorn bowls, took meat out of the freezer for supper
the following evening, checked the cereal box levels, filled the sugar
container, put spoons and bowls on the table and started the coffee
pot for brewing the next morning.

She then put some wet clothes in the dryer, put a load of clothes into
the washer, ironed a shirt and secured a loose button. She picked up
the game pieces left on the table, put the phone back on the charger
and put the telephone book into the drawer. She watered the plants,
emptied a wastebasket and hung up a towel to dry.

She yawned and stretched and headed for the bedroom.

She stopped by the desk and wrote a note to the teacher, counted out
some cash for the excursion and pulled a text book out from hiding
under the chair.

She signed a birthday card for a friend, addressed and stamped the
envelope and wrote a quick note for the grocery store. She put both
near her bag.

Mum then washed her face with 3 in 1 cleanser, put on her Night
Solution & age fighting moisturizer, brushed and flossed her teeth and
filed her nails.

Dad called out, "I thought you were going to bed."

"I'm on my way," she said.

She put some water into the dog's dish and put the cat outside, then
made sure the doors were locked and the patio light was on. She looked
in on each of the kids and turned out their bedside lamps and radios,
hung up a shirt, threw some dirty socks into the hamper, and had a
brief conversation with the one up still doing homework.

In her own room, she set the alarm; laid out clothing for the next
day, straightened up the shoe rack. She added three things to her 6
most important things to do list. She said her prayers, and visualized
the accomplishment of her goals.

About that time, Dad turned off the TV and announced to no one in particular.

"I'm going to bed." And he did...without another thought.

Anything extraordinary here? Wonder why women live longer...?

'CAUSE THEY ARE MADE FOR THE LONG HAUL....... (and they can't die
sooner, they still have things to do!!!!)

Send this to five phenomenal women today...they' ll love you for it!
And Forward this to as many men as you can so that they know why women
are so special :) .........!

God's very own creation! :)

[Joke] Happy rabbit

A little rabbit happily running through the forest stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a marijuana cigarette. The rabbit looks at her and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come with me running through the forest, you'll see, you'll feel so much better!" The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit.

Then they come across an elephant doing opium, so the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come running with us through the pretty forest, you'll see, you'll feel so good!" The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all, and then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.

The three animals then come across a lion about to take a heroin shot... The rabbit says "Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so good!" The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and starts to beat the hell out of the little rabbit.

As the giraffe and elephant watch in horror, they look at him and ask, "Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help us all!"

The lion answers, "That little devil makes me run around the forest like an idiot for hours every time he's high on cocaine!"

T shirt Of the Year-09

if you see the police, warn a brother

Words of Wisdom

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.

The  little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards. The man, who was a priest, said, 'I am a Father.'

The little boy  replied, 'My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that.'

The priest looked up from his book and answered, ''I am the Father of many.'

The boy said, ''My Dad has 4 boys, 4  girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that  way!'

The priest, getting impatient, said. 'I am the  Father of hundreds', and went back to reading his book.

The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned  over and said, 'Maybe you should wear a condom, and put your pants on backwards instead of your collar.'

 

[Joke] Difference between Potentially and Realistically

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?"

The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars."

Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.'

So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"
The mother replied, "Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!"

The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"
The girl replied, "Oh my Gawd! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?"

The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"

"Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know what a million bucks would buy?"

The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.

His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?" 

The boy replied, "Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on three million dollars . But 'realistically', we're living with two hookers and a queer."

[Joke] Little Bobby wants a new bike for his birthday

Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner.
His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell
his mother what he wanted.
Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.
Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker..
He had gotten into trouble at school and at home.
Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for
his birthday.
Little Bobby, of course, thought he did.
Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year.
Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year.
Then write a letter to krishna and tell him why you deserve a bike for
your birthday.
Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write
krishna a letter.
************************************************************************************
Letter 1
Dear krishna,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday.
I want a red one.
Your friend,
Bobby
**************
Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this
year, So he tore up the letter and started over.
************************************************************************************
Letter 2
Dear krishna,
This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I
would like A red bike for my birthday... Thank you.
Your friend,
Bobby
************************************************************************************
Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and
started again.
************************************************************************************
Letter 3
Dear krishna,
I have been an OK boy this year. I still would really like a bike for
my
birthday.
Bobby
************************************************************************************
Bobby knew he could not send this letter to krishna either. So, Bobby
wrote a fourth letter.
************************************************************************************
Letter 4
krishna,
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be
a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday.
Please! Thank you,
Bobby
************************************************************************************
Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike.
Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he
wanted to go to temple.
Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad.
Just be home in time for dinner, Bobby's mother told him.
Bobby walked down the street to the temple on the corner.
Little Bobby went into the temple and up to the altar.
He looked around to see if anyone was there.
Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the radha.
He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the temple, down
the street, into the house, and up to his room.
He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen.
Bobby began to write his letter to krishna.
************************************************************************************
Letter 5
krishna,
I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR GIRLFRIEND. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE
BIKE!!!!!!

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